I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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