Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize