He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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