I wish you could order shots online.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
