where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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