lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
