saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
