Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Help me help you realize you are a moron
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
