Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
