its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize