My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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