the condom got lost in my hair
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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