Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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