i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
