I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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