when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize