Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
