Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Of course I have a pirate flag
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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