; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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