she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
