I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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