We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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