I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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