I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize