you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
