He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
