My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
