You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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