I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
