so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
