Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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