omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
