life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
