my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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