dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
