I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
