my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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