I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
