why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
