Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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