we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
