ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
