actually, I'm a sock model
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
