I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
