I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
