enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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