billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
