i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
