What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
