i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize