Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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