I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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