so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
