Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just invented taco cereal.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
