Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
