just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
