apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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