I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
