Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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