Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
