She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We smell like vodka and hangover
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