hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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