what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
