Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
