i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
