how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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