when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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