i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
