it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
