I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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