i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
