Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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