Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
