No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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