All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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