So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
