she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
