I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
